30 January 2014

If You Take a Joni to A Bookstore: A Guide/Warning

If you take a Joni to a bookstore. . .

She'll probably go straight for the table with the pretty books.
She'll buy herself one.
You'll remark that she already owns five copies.
She'll gasp, and go find another copy of the same book (this one is probably also pretty and has a ribbon in it), because five copies is not enough.
You'll suggest finding a new book.
She'll go over to the bestsellers.
Bumping into Stephanie Meyer, Nicholas Sparks, and anything with Fifty Shades in the title, she'll bemoan the ease with which trash gets published and the falling state of the American intellect.
You'll steer her (probably by the shoulders) to the fiction section. . .
. . . where she'll notice that a book is out of place.
She'll pick up the book and go put it back where it belongs, where she'll notice another book that's out of place that she'll pick up to put it back where it belongs.
This cycle will continue for about twenty minutes, until she notices that there are books that are faced out (covers out so people can see them) that she doesn't like.
She will then switch around the books she doesn't like for the books she does like.
You will remind her that she doesn't get paid for this.
She will remind you that it was your suggestion to go to the bookstore.
You'll suggest that now would be a good time to actually find a book.
She'll start judging books by their cover and wind up with about twenty that she will ask you to carry around.  Because she's read lots of classics and has a thing for hardbacks, this will be very heavy.
You will suggest e-books.
She will contemplate the benefits of hitting you.
Eventually, after much deliberation, she will determine to buy three books, and to write down the titles of the rest.
You will drive home to the sound of her turning pages and laughing and debating out loud which book to read first.
When you get home she will go inside and put her pretty new books on a special shelf on her bookshelf (that she probably doesn't share with you).  The shelf is for books she intends to read.  It doesn't have room for more.
So you will have to go to the furniture store to buy another bookshelf because fewer books is not the solution to this problem.
And while you put this bookshelf together, she will read.

1 comment:

Lisa said...

Makes me want to take you to Barnes and Noble when you come in April. Sounds like an adventure! Course most of what you wrote is not a surprise for me...just an enticement.